{"id":1723,"date":"2012-02-02T13:49:17","date_gmt":"2012-02-02T05:49:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/?p=1723"},"modified":"2012-02-02T13:58:34","modified_gmt":"2012-02-02T05:58:34","slug":"if-i-were-the-great-leader-of-bn%e2%80%a6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/if-i-were-the-great-leader-of-bn%e2%80%a6\/","title":{"rendered":"If I were the Great Leader of BN\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Chung Hosanna<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ladies and gentlemen,<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0You\u2019ve seen the movie \u201cHow to train a dragon\u201d. The protaganist- a Viking boy named Hiccup- uses grass, fish, and petting to train the titular dragon, Toothless.<\/p>\n

As for us, we must use carrots and sticks to keep the rakyat in a perpetual state of blind submission. This is to ensure our survival as the ruling party for the next 50 years.<\/p>\n

The age-old \u201cpunishment and reward\u201d system is the oldest trick in the book, but it still very effective whether in training animals or winning general elections.<\/p>\n

With enough goodies and image-glossing to mask our actual goals, they will never be any wiser. In fact, they will be grateful to us for whatever KR1M, BR1M, or SARA1M which we throw their way! That\u2019s the beauty of it.<\/p>\n

The paramilitary People\u2019s Volunteer Corps (RELA) is our secret weapon to wield. Don\u2019t be afraid to boast about it in the same way a playground bully brandishes a stick. You might say something like, \u201cDo not cause havoc in this country because the 2.8 million Rela members<\/a> will not stand idly by and watch the country descend into chaos.\u201d<\/p>\n

Occasionally, wave a keris for effect. You must always remind the people that we hold the strings of military might. If possible, channel Burma\u2019s glorious military junta, or North Korea\u2019s well-oiled troops. After all we didn\u2019t increase defence spending for nothing!<\/p>\n

Let them think that if push comes to shove, we have no qualms using RELA, the police, or the army to put the fear of God in our detractors. Create a boogeyman like May 13 or Ops Lalang to perpetually hang over their heads like a sword of Damocles.<\/p>\n

The nett result is, a blanket of fear will fall. Citizens will be afraid to voice out or vote according to conscience. That\u2019s exactly the way we want them \u2013 pliable, unsuspecting, timid.<\/p>\n

After all the \u201cwhacking\u201d \u2013 whether real or imagined, we can\u2019t afford for them to curdle up in fear. That would be bad for the economy, for productivity. Who will earn money for us to con<\/del> tax then?<\/p>\n

The famous Skinner Experiment<\/a> has taught scientists that the most effective training method is to reward at random intervals. So we\u2019ll throw them a crumb or two when they least expect it. Occasionally give them what they\u2019re asking for, that really messes with their heads.<\/p>\n

This is what you must do to retain power:<\/p>\n

If they want reforms, tell them we\u2019ll take away archaic laws \u2013 just don\u2019t mention that we\u2019ll replace it with something else that serves our purpose.<\/p>\n

If they want justice, declare an innocent man not guilty \u2013international media will witness thousands rallying outside the court disappointed, they\u2019d prefer a martyr.<\/p>\n

If they want accountability, facelift an anti-corruption institution and go after some scapegoats – but we must not declare our assets, not until the cows come home.<\/p>\n

If they want to uplift the economy, give out RM10 notes in white packets<\/a> during Chinese New Year, that\u2019s the best way to prove our pure intentions \u2013 so they wont confuse it with bribery.<\/p>\n

When they call for national unity, think of a slogan to make every1 feel Malaysian, but please maintain race as the basis for political parties, country clubs<\/a>, and everything else in between \u2013 much easier to convince them when we sing different tunes to each race.<\/p>\n

Im sure they also want to feel \u2018courted\u2019, so try a Facebook page<\/a> in their native language or an off-season political party ad<\/a> aired on national TV \u2013 just steer clear of messy issues like media freedom or censorship.<\/p>\n

Give some universities autonomy, but strip<\/a> an outspoken professor of his title.<\/p>\n

Remember your mission at all times: coax them when they\u2019re docile, clobber them when they\u2019re feisty.<\/p>\n

The less rights we give them, the less responsibility they will expect from us.<\/p>\n

Protect our interests at all times but never, ever admit it. If you must deny it 61 times<\/a>, it\u2019s not bull-headed I say.<\/p>\n

Whatever you do, don\u2019t end up like Hiccup in \u201cHow to Train a Dragon\u201d. He made the fatal mistake of trying to understand and befriend the dragon, not subdue it by might. That would lead to a horrible state of equality we must never allow to happen.<\/p>\n

Long live our party!<\/p>\n

Your beloved Great Leader<\/p>\n

-The Rocket<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Chung Hosanna Ladies and gentlemen, \u00a0You\u2019ve seen the movie \u201cHow to train a dragon\u201d. The protaganist- a Viking boy named Hiccup- uses grass, fish, and petting to train the titular dragon, Toothless. As for us, we must use carrots and sticks to keep the rakyat in a perpetual state of blind submission. This is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1724,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[260],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1723"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1723\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.therocket.com.my\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}